Age Appropriate Humor

3.31.2010 Comments: (4)
I got this from another blog, but thought it was worth reposting. Apparently, it's been going around as an email forward, as "Thoughts of a 25-35 Year Old," which normally I would think was stupid, except I agree with every single one of them. Good times.

 ·       More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

·       Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

·       Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
·       That’s enough, Nickelback.

·       Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

·       Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

·       Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.

·       I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

·       How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

·       I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

·       I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

·       The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

·       LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

·       I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

·       Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

·       How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

·       I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

·       While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks, Mario Kart.

·       I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

·       Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty.

·       Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

·       Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem…

·       You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

·       Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

·       There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

·       I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes when I could swear I didn’t make any.

·       “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

·       I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

·       I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

·       When I date someone new, I’m terrified of mentioning something they haven’t already told me but that I learned from some light internet stalking.

·       Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

·       As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

·       Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

·       I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

·       Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

·       I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

·       I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

·       The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.


3.20.2010 Comments: (2)
OK, so I made the list into its own page (see link above) so I can update and cross things off as I go. I also divided it up into different sections, added some of the items you suggested (thanks Ro, Franklin and Dana!), and crossed off one thing already.

Also - just for Rosa, I made two of my previously secret items public. But I'm not telling which ones they are. You've got to work that out on your own.

In other news, I'm on Spring Break now. THANK HEAVENS. Last week was particularly brutal, so I'm happy to be home doing nothing.

Hello?? Echo,echo,echo...

3.17.2010 Comments: (1)
Seriously people. I need suggestions. Help me out here.

1000 Days

3.15.2010 Comments: (3)
So the idea of creating a "to do before you die" list isn't new. Recently, one of the authors of a blog I read has been sponsored by both Intel and Verizon to complete hers - it's been crazy to read the adventures she has had. It's turned into a bit of a movement - she asked readers to put their life lists on their blogs and send the link to her and she would post them. So you know I read them all. Sometime in December, a reader submitted a link to their lists of 100 things they wanted to do in 1000 days, with the last day being an important milestone of some kind.

The idea was being appealing to me - especially when I realized that in about 1000 days, I would be turning 30. So, I spent a lot of January brainstorming and in early February, my 1000 day countdown to 30 began.

In talking to Rosa tonight, she wanted to read the list, so I'm going to put it up on the blog in hopes of being held more accountable but also because I need suggestions! I only have about 70 items so far - I'm hoping you all can help me out. They are in no particular order or categorization, just as they came into my head.


100 things to do in 1000 Days
1. Get some "professional" pictures of me and Dan (Franklin - call me!)
2. Figure out when it is necessary to make a will. If it's now, then make one.
3. Look into life insurance
4. Look into pet insurance
5. Get James microchipped (Lily already has hers)
6. Start planning for retirement (eek!)
7. Finish the emergency kit
8. Buy more handmade, give more handmade gifts
9. Make an advent calendar
10. Do want/need/wear/read one year for gifts
11. Find out more about bartering websites
12. Get at least 6 massages
13. Get at least 2 henna designs
14. Join a CSA
15. Move away from using antibacterial products
16. Use homemade cleaning products
17. Transition from plastic to glass in the kitchen (storage containers, utensils, etc)
18. Have some concrete plans for world travel
19. Have some concrete plans for where we are living next
20. Have some concrete plans around buying a home
21. Buy some really nice bras
22. Stay in Vegas on the Strip
23. Read at least 120 books
24. Learn how to play chess (in progress)
25. Learn how to play pool
26. Learn how to knit
27. Learn how to can/preserve foods
28. Learn how to make piecrust
29. Learn how to crack a whip (literally, not figuratively)
30. Learn how to properly fold a fitted sheet
31. Learn how to poach an egg
32. Learn more about world geography
33. Learn ____________
34. Learn ____________
35. Learn ____________
36. Lose a couple of pant sizes
37. Find a physical activity I love to do
38. Find my professional organization home
39. **
40. **
41. **
42. Get CPR/First Aid certified (again)
43. Stop biting my nails
44. Always take off my makeup before I go to bed
45. Finish researching the "list of women I should really know"
46-60. Individual San Francisco stairwalks (they each get their own number because each one is really a whole day trip)
61. Make cupcake list
62. Make chocolate list
63. See the Grand Canyon
64. Be up to date on our scrapbook
65. Go dogsledding
66. Complete a triathlon
67. Finish cooking our way through our seasonal cookbook
68. Go to a Steelers game
69. Get a good skincare regimen
70. Stay overnight in a treehouse
71. Reopen doors with other student affairs people I've lost touch with
72. **
73. **
74. Relax in a natural hot spring
75. Go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras
76. Visit 3 new states

(sidenote: the numbers with ** really do have items next to them, but they're secrets)

So there you have it. As you can see, I need 24 more things to do and 3 more things to learn. What would go on your before 30 list?

Chihuly gallery - Las Vegas

3.13.2010 Comments: (0)

Exhibit A

3.08.2010 Comments: (1)
of "Why I miss living on the same coast as everyone I know"

Scene: Facebook chat, last night

KK: Wow, you found that picture fast. A little creepy.

Ben: Don't be jealous of my facebook powerz.

KK: You're in the interwebz stealin their fotos.



City walk: McLaren Park and Excelsior (#99)

3.07.2010 Comments: (0)
Ugh, that last post about the brewery tour would have been so much better had I written it when I actually remembered something - apologies. Hardly my best work.

While Dan and I have a car this month, we've been trying to get to different places in the city that would take a wee bit longer on public transit. So, we decided to do the city walks that were furthest from our apartments. This walk mostly takes place in the second largest park in the city, McLaren Park, which we had never heard of, so it was nice to explore a completely new area. The park was named for John McLaren, who was the chief gardener at Golden Gate Park for 60 years. I think that is a lovely gesture.

The walk took us through a bunch of groves, play areas, a couple different lakes, and other nature type things. At one of the lakes, Dan took approximately 47 pictures of ducks, which I have not included here, I know you're disappointed.

Other things we encountered:

Statues meant for children that also sort of look like they were made by children.

This woman with her 7 or 8 black lab puppies who were all not on leashes but all ridiculously well behaved who sort of adopted the bull terrier (the one that doesn't look like the others) and then the terrier would. not. go. back. to his owner. It was sort of heartbreaking to watch him have to leave his newly found gang.

The Jerry Garcia amphitheater. Underwhelming, don't you think?

This dog hanging out of his house window, just chillin, watching people go by.

Steep, steep stairs. Can't really tell from this picture, but remembering makes my calves hurt.

Walk stats - 2.3 miles, 1.5 hours

Anchor Brewery Tour

3.01.2010 Comments: (1)
Way back in January, we went on a tour of the Anchor Brewery which is a San Francisco based brewery that has been making beer since 1896. They also make whiskey and gin, holler. Their steam beer is wildly popular in the Bay Area, so popular that I had to call in October to get a spot on the tour for January!
We learned that they make beer in a pretty old fashioned way, although I can no longer tell you details of the process (it's been a while since we went). I do know that they do everything in one small factory from the brewing to the fermenting to the bottling. The woman leading our tour was very knowledgeable, and gave us lots of statistics that I swore to remember to put in this very blog entry, but alas, I have forgotten them. The one I do remember is that Budweiser produces more beer in one DAY than Anchor Brewing produces in an entire year. Quality over quantity people.
After the tour, we got to do a tasting, which I was really happy about. While I like the Anchor Steam beer (most popular variety they make), I got to try several other smaller production varieties that I really enjoyed. They make a liberty ale, a porter, a holiday ale, and a barley wine style ale which is sweet - an after dinner beer. I'm a big fan. We've been on the lookout in stores but we haven't found any yet. I think a trip to BevMo is in our future.
Beer anyone? They are tasty!